"And the award for stupidest person of the minute goes to..."

Brett Ratner, well-known Stupid Person but NOT this minute's winner

I know the idiots are legion, but this dude Darnell edged them out by a Karl-Malden nose:

A pet Burmese python measuring more than 8 feet long broke out of a terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl in her bedroom Wednesday at a central Florida home, authorities said. Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived at about 10 a.m., Lt. Bobby Caruthers of the Sumter County Sheriff's Office said.

Charles Jason Darnell, the snake's owner and the boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, discovered the snake missing from its terrarium and went to the girl's room, where he found it on the girl and bite marks on her head, Caruthers said. Darnell, 32, stabbed the snake until he was able to pry the child away.

"The baby's dead!" a sobbing caller from the house screamed to a 911 dispatcher in a recording. "Our stupid snake got out in the middle of the night and strangled the baby."

Authorities did not identify the caller and removed the person's name from the recording.

"She got out of the cage last night and got into the baby's crib and strangled her to death," the caller said.

(courtesy AP)

No shit, Darnell. What would you do if you were a fucking 8-ft-long hungry-ass snake cramped up in a cage all day every day, getting contact highs from you and your dropout buddies?

You'd bust outta that shit and get yourself some fresh eats! Baby eats! (they're easier to kill)

Or maybe a sheep:

This is my favorite part of the story, though:

Darnell did not have a permit for the snake, which would be a second-degree misdemeanor, said Joy Hill, a spokeswoman with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. He has not been charged, but Caruthers said investigators were looking into whether there was child neglect or if any other laws were broken.

Hill said the snake will be placed with someone who has a permit, pending an investigation into the girl's death.

(courtesy AP)

A second-degree misdemeanor? Debating whether or not any laws were broken? A foster-parent for the killer snake?

Am I living in the fucking Twilight Zone???

Darnell and his girl belong in jail for having an 8-ft (going on 26ft) Burmese python in the same home as a child--the existence of a snake permit is a non-issue.

This is a breed of snake that EATS CROCODILES!!!! How is it sane to have one around?

Rather than placed in a foster home, the snake should be shot in the face and fed to crocodiles because, let's be honest, even if this snake hadn't killed a baby, snakes are just the worst.

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Who Needs Evidence?

When you're preaching to the deluded choir, all ya gotta do is say something and it is true.

Don't believe me?

Well, try this on for size--the Pope and his posse have found the remains of St. Paul.

How does he know for sure? Easy:

"Vatican experts claim the tomb's position, underneath the epigraph Paulo Apostolo Mart (Paul the Apostle and Martyr), at the base of the main altar is proof that it belongs to the apostle.

The pope said the tomb had not been opened but that a probe inserted through a small hole had revealed traces of purple linen decorated with gold sequins, blue material and red incense grains as well as the remains. 'Small fragments of bone were carbon dated by experts who knew nothing about their provenance and results showed they were from someone who lived between the first and second century,' he said.

'This seems to confirm the unanimous and uncontested tradition that these are the mortal remains of Paul the apostle,' he said, adding that the discovery 'fills our souls with great emotion.'"

(courtesy of guardian.co.uk)

Pope Benedict, his soul filled with great emotion

Secretary--take a letter:


Dear Pope,

The reason this assertion is 'uncontested' is that nobody gives a shit except people who believe anything you say.

While we're on the subject, I wouldn't be surprised if you told me--in confidence, of course--that you never even bothered with the carbon-dating. I mean, why waste the hoarded wealth of centuries-worth of gullible poor people on something as trivial as inconclusive proof when you don't even need to bother proving it at all, right? Right?

Nice moves.

By the way--kudos to you, man. You really got it all figured out--only 82 years young and already head of the best racket in the racket business.

Burn In Hell,
God

ps--Love your new hat! LOL!


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I Know Where It Went Wrong for Michael:

"Hopes for a new album were raised in 2006 when Jackson appointed Guy Holmes, the man behind Right Said Fred and Crazy Frog, to spearhead efforts to come up with fresh material. The star found a benefactor in Sheikh Abdullah of Bahrain, who was reportedly prepared to bankroll Jackson's costs if he recorded the sheikh's own compositions. But the deal came to nothing."

(courtesy guardian.co.uk)

Hmmm...the 'world's greatest entertainer' who sold over 500 million albums needed help from the jag-off behind one-hit-wonders Right Said Fred to revitalize his career? On what planet does that make sense? My dear Michael, you would have been better off asking Blanket.

Business/art aside, Michael was already in trouble on the social front.

Why? He was best buddies with this plasticine freak of science since the age of 12:

International Loser David Gest

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